Yesterday I finally plucked up courage and unblocked the sink in the bathroom. The years of accumulated hair, soap and gunk was quite disgusting, but the satisfaction of seeing water flowing freely down the plug-hole is immense.
The sink seems to me a good metaphor for both the state of my Crohn’s and how I’m feeling being in France at the moment.
Firstly, my bowel is still taking some time to get back on an even keel after last week’s pain and vomiting. I know I have a couple of places of narrowing in my small intestine and, unless I eat a very low-residue diet, I get pain when food passes through.
There is no sink-unblocking solution to this problem. If there is food ‘backed-up’ behind the narrowing, it is a case of eating very carefully, drinking plenty of fluids and waiting. And trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Ultimately I will need more surgery – but not yet.
Secondly, after being poorly with one thing or another since the end of last summer, I am feeling quite annoyed with life and that I’m missing out on the whole living in France experience.
This frustration is filling me up and stressing me out.
One thing I have to keep reminding myself that I still have five and a half months here. Another thing to remember is that this has been a fairly typical autumn and winter for me.
I generally get on with life and cope with long periods of inactivity without always becoming consumed with frustration, anger or depression. I have become very skilled at grasping opportunities when they arise and managing my expectations.
I get a lot done for someone who doesn’t do very much.
This chance to live in France for a year has been an amazing opportunity – and one I would recommend to anybody. But living abroad is challenging and does knock you off balance at times.
The problem for me at the moment is that I am beginning to see this opportunity through the eyes of someone who does not have a serious long-term health problem and who does not normally spend most of the year tucked-up at home.
Perhaps the gunk that needs cleaning out is the gunk of unrealistic expectations rather than the gunk of my illness (apologies for stretching the metaphor a bit too far).
Because, ultimately, I will get the most out of this five and a half months if I am focused on and excited by what I can do, not overwhelmed by the frustration of what I cannot do.
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Monday, 23 February 2009
Message received
I’ve been in France since last July and had by second attack of severe pain and vomiting on Friday. So that’s two attacks in nearly eight months, which really isn’t bad for me.
It is important to look at it like that, because going through an acute episode of my Crohn’s and the few days afterwards is rather unpleasant and dispiriting.
The attack I had in October which lead to me being on steroids was far worse. I think this time it was more of my bowel giving me a ‘final warning’.
I have to remind myself that my Crohn’s has come to live in France with me – and that it is still a big problem in my life.
This time last year, my doctors were encouraging me to have more surgery on my bowel to remove some scar tissue that was causing narrowing in two sections of the small intestine.
If the appointment with the surgeon had come through earlier (it took nearly six months for an ‘urgent’ appointment) I would have had the surgery before I came here.
As it was, I decided that it was more important for me to join my partner on this adventure and my healthcare team in the UK were very happy to support me in these plans.
My généraliste, gastroenterologist and hospital doctors here in Caen are all aware of how dodgy my Crohn’s can be, but are very keen for me to avoid surgery if at all possible.
I will go and see a doctor this week, but ultimately it is up to me to rest my bowel and go easy on all the great food there is here. It is not impossible to eat a tasty low-residue diet with all the cheese and cream produced locally.
I know what leads to these attacks – not being strict enough with my diet, getting stressed, not sleeping enough, not resting enough and getting exhausted.
Ultimately I need to listen to what my body is saying to me – and on Friday it sent me a very clear message!
It is important to look at it like that, because going through an acute episode of my Crohn’s and the few days afterwards is rather unpleasant and dispiriting.
The attack I had in October which lead to me being on steroids was far worse. I think this time it was more of my bowel giving me a ‘final warning’.
I have to remind myself that my Crohn’s has come to live in France with me – and that it is still a big problem in my life.
This time last year, my doctors were encouraging me to have more surgery on my bowel to remove some scar tissue that was causing narrowing in two sections of the small intestine.
If the appointment with the surgeon had come through earlier (it took nearly six months for an ‘urgent’ appointment) I would have had the surgery before I came here.
As it was, I decided that it was more important for me to join my partner on this adventure and my healthcare team in the UK were very happy to support me in these plans.
My généraliste, gastroenterologist and hospital doctors here in Caen are all aware of how dodgy my Crohn’s can be, but are very keen for me to avoid surgery if at all possible.
I will go and see a doctor this week, but ultimately it is up to me to rest my bowel and go easy on all the great food there is here. It is not impossible to eat a tasty low-residue diet with all the cheese and cream produced locally.
I know what leads to these attacks – not being strict enough with my diet, getting stressed, not sleeping enough, not resting enough and getting exhausted.
Ultimately I need to listen to what my body is saying to me – and on Friday it sent me a very clear message!
Friday, 20 February 2009
Be valiant!
With the days getting longer and the temperatures getting warmer I’m beginning to rouse from my winter hibernation.
Recently, I had nearly a week without a cold draining the energy out of me. Unfortunately, I seem to have picked up another one – but the momentum is there.
We now have six months to go of our adventure. We have negotiated a departure date with our landlady for the middle of August, so this week has been a good time to focus on what I want to achieve before I head back to the UK.
The first goal has to be putting in six months work on my French skills. Although I have continued to watch French TV, read French newspapers and speak to friends and to people in shops and restaurants, I had given up a systematic learning process.
Now I am spending a couple of hours a day studying to improve my vocabulary. One of my teachers is Michel Vaillant – a cartoon (or bande dessinée) character who I like. I read the books with a dictionary and learn loads.
The surname Vaillant means brave, courageous or valiant. There is a great phrase in French – je ne me sens pas très vaillant – which means “I don’t feel too good”. However, the literal “I don’t feel very courageous today” is a wonderful phrase for people with long-term health conditions where feeling brave is a pre-requisite for facing the day.
The other goal of being in France for a year was to look back at life in the UK (and the last ten years of being ill) with a bit of distance and perspective and start thinking of some of the things I want to do when I get back in August.
I am slowly doing this – without having any ‘eureka!’ moments – and the list is growing. The key, I guess, is to recognise that my health does prevent me from doing some things and forces me to do other things in different ways to most people.
Yet, this year proves that most things are possible if I apply my mind to careful planning, work out solutions to potential problems and, of course, be valiant.
Recently, I had nearly a week without a cold draining the energy out of me. Unfortunately, I seem to have picked up another one – but the momentum is there.
We now have six months to go of our adventure. We have negotiated a departure date with our landlady for the middle of August, so this week has been a good time to focus on what I want to achieve before I head back to the UK.
The first goal has to be putting in six months work on my French skills. Although I have continued to watch French TV, read French newspapers and speak to friends and to people in shops and restaurants, I had given up a systematic learning process.
Now I am spending a couple of hours a day studying to improve my vocabulary. One of my teachers is Michel Vaillant – a cartoon (or bande dessinée) character who I like. I read the books with a dictionary and learn loads.
The surname Vaillant means brave, courageous or valiant. There is a great phrase in French – je ne me sens pas très vaillant – which means “I don’t feel too good”. However, the literal “I don’t feel very courageous today” is a wonderful phrase for people with long-term health conditions where feeling brave is a pre-requisite for facing the day.
The other goal of being in France for a year was to look back at life in the UK (and the last ten years of being ill) with a bit of distance and perspective and start thinking of some of the things I want to do when I get back in August.
I am slowly doing this – without having any ‘eureka!’ moments – and the list is growing. The key, I guess, is to recognise that my health does prevent me from doing some things and forces me to do other things in different ways to most people.
Yet, this year proves that most things are possible if I apply my mind to careful planning, work out solutions to potential problems and, of course, be valiant.
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